when you have countless
things to do
and places
to be
but you spontaneously find yourself
sitting on the roof
for hours,
looking over the city
with a girl
with halcyon eyes
and no end to her horizon
we did nothing that day
but watch traffic and talk,
accomplishing more
than we ever
dreamed.
the heart of a woman
as vast as the plains of clouds stretched across the horizon
as free as the birds soaring over the earth
as glorious as the stars strung across the skies–
the heart of a woman is a beautiful and wild thing
with the tenderness of a summer morning breeze
like an unbroken stallion
as free as the running waves of the sea–
the heart of a woman is a beautiful and mystifying thing
so fearless without limit
so relentless in seeking to be adored
the passion, the substance–
the heart of a woman is a beautiful and striking thing
oh, to be as dangerous as a woman's commitment to love
to be as sensitive to the slightest of intimate shoves
in love
is this not man's task given from above:
to take a step and pursue
to cherish and adore
to daily open the cage
and watch her heart soar
for to be trusted by a woman
is one of life's hardest
and most treasured,
of all earthly things
so raise thy head up, take grip, and dig in,
for the woman's heart is wild like the waves of the sea–
and it waits for you to press in
but in the end, a man's job is not to calm or to fix
but to be trusted with the unexpected tides and swells of her wild seas
for she is wild, not tame, and she is yours for keeps
she is yours to protect, and yours to bring peace
for a steady heart and listening ear can calm any woman's stormy seas
so never forget that the heart of eve
is the most precious and pure of all beings
and that you, as a man,
are blessed with the most
treasured and beautiful of all created things
My Third Book
It's hard to believe that my last post on this blog was two years ago.
I guess there's no better way to break the silence than to announce that I'm wrapping up editing my third book of poetry.
What is the book about you might ask?
Love.
Throughout the time that my wife and I were dating, I wrote poems about my relationship with my soon to be wife. I wanted to capture each step of our dating, not only because I was fascinated by everything that I was experiencing but I knew that I wouldn't experience life in this unique way forever. Times change. Some seasons you only get once and I wanted to capture the emotions and experiences of dating and engagement while I could.
After two years of writing and dating, I turned my collection of poems about my wife into a short book and gave it to her as a gift the day before our wedding.
This new book is not the exact version that I gave to my wife. Many poems were taken out and other new poems were added. Originally, I never had intentions to share these poems with anyone other than my wife, but I began to question whether others would like the poems too.
Marriage can feel like a washed out topic in Western culture today, I know how easy it is to lose the magic in ones eyes for a lifelong friend and lover. Writing is one of the ways I protect the magic in my eyes for my wife. Writing keeps my eyes open for wonder, it keeps me looking for the beauty underneath the clutter of everyday life, it helps me search for what is sacred. What is unbound and wild and untamed. Yes, love is kind and tough and slow and gritty. But good. Even perfect, at times.
My hope is that these poems help others rekindle this all encompassing substance and presence that everyone knows, experiences, and longs for called love.
Over the upcoming weeks, I intend to share a few poems on this blog from the book before it's released.
Once the book is complete, I'll let you know here.
If you have never read any of my previous books of poetry before, you can find them for sale on Amazon. My last book, "When Nature Speaks" is only $5.99.
"I do."
as i peer down the aisle
and observe you walking toward me
with your arms wrapped around your fathers,
i wonder if i am breathing.
are my feet on the ground?
am i truly here in the flesh?
or is this all a dream?
as the ceremony begins,
i take a moment to feel the wind between my hands,
i look at the sun beyond your eyes and it warms my face,
i look at the mountains in the distance, and it is unmistakable by the golden spring light of the sky that You are near.
You are in under very crumb of bread and drop of wine in our communion,
beneath every breath that i take in and
out of every prayer and blessing that comes forth from the crowd in attendance.
and your glorious, loving presence is inevitable in the beauty of the Morrow’s mountain sky.
my vows are words awaiting decades of action,
my dad is speaking and prophesying with a gentle force,
and you... my wife,
are stunning,
more stunning than the bride in all my dreams
as i stand here, taking you in, i realize that you are such a beautiful, standing testimony of a God who deeply, deeply desires to generously and lavishly provide for me far beyond what i can ever dream up or hope for
and
this is why
today is a day beyond life itself
it is beyond any day i have ever lived
any love i have ever received
and any level of gratefulness that i have ever felt.
and i am undeniably tasting of God’s goodness in a way i didn’t know possible
if heaven is a day,
that day
is today.
foreign thoughts
when you stand in new streets,
gaze upon foreign colored skin,
hear a language different than your own,
and witness another way of life,
you assume there is a great difference between you and them
everything on the outside, appears to be different,
but after you stop and converse, hear their story,
their struggles, what they hope for
see a little deeper under their skin,
you realize
that
we are all the same
the language we speak,
the color of our hair,
the land by which we call home...
none of it really matters,
the further you go
travel enough and you see:
no matter where you go in the world,
people are still people.
the voice of shame
“you're never enough”
so the voices go
down
down
in shame you go
“never enough”
you believe it so:
never the richest
never the strongest
never the wisest
“never enough”
“never enough”,
so the voices go...
down, down they pray you go
down, down to spiral so
shame comes in waves.
--
the desire burns
to be enough,
to have the strength
the looks
the honor
to be a man among men
but
no matter what you do,
the voices tell you
you are not.
in whispers, he anchors you,
in lies, he binds you,
hoping you never come up
with the rest of your kind,
with the rest of man.
together, men drown in waves.
--
though the tides are high
and many
are searching at sea
there is a voice in the distance
calling,
a voice from behind the light,
a father’s hand
outstretched
from afar
calling out to you,
seeking to rebuild the ruins
of man
--
in following this new found voice,
you quickly learn
shame will never quiet your fear.
no matter how long you follow him
there is no end to his depths,
there is no life in his promised comforts.
in the end, shame is
nothing but a lie.
you see it too, in the eyes of the men passing you
down the street:
they feel it too.
together, we live
in a world where, before all we come across,
despite our best works, days, and efforts,
we strive and
feel as though
we are not enough.
some combat their insecurity with pride,
others blanket themselves in disgrace
it's not wrong.
for no one's been taught another way.
but
little do we know that
through it all
god's eyes remain.
little do we know that
through it all
god's eyes never waver
from love.
through it all,
god is within reach
waiting for you to turn to him,
to his arms, wide open:
he's waiting for you to fall in.
--
and so,
you must choose your voice
to cling to
you must choose which voice will shape you.
day after day,
you must choose
to identify yourself
with
love,
over shame.
you must choose
to
step into your skin
to take up your name
to take form
as you become
your dreams.
When Nature Speaks
When does nature speak the loudest to you?
When I go backpacking, reading next to a lake or river in the woods is one of the things I look forward to most on my trips. I find it hard to believe that life can be any more relaxing than when you're sitting in a hammock in the mountains or laying on a boulder beside an alpine lake with a great book in hand.
Time is slow, your thoughts are clear, and the inescapable silence is unbearably fulfilling. This for me is when nature speaks the loudest.
It was in these moments of reading over the past couple years that inspired When Nature Speaks. I wanted to write a body of poems to take with me every time I left for the mountains. I wanted to create a work, purposed to be read specifically in the outdoors.
For this reason, When Nature Speaks isn't for everyone. It was exclusively written and fashioned for those who love backpacking, hiking, and nature. The book is shorter for backpacking purposes and the poems were strictly written to be read in the wilderness. Therefore, if you too live for new trails, crave the wilderness, and long for night skies in the woods, this book was written for you.
I believe that these poems will invigorate, move, and inspire you as you charge your own mountains in life as they did for me, and I can't wait to hear where these poems travel with you.
I'm looking forward to when When Nature Speaks reaches your hands.
*** the book is shipping out to buyers next week. I'm excited to announce that the first order of books are already on the way, and I will be shipping them out immediately upon arrival. To pre-order and claim your copy from the first shipment, you can visit my shop at: joshhuth.com/shop
Fear
Last night, I was thinking back over every new endeavor and goal that I've pursued over the past couple years. I'm realizing more and more that it doesn't matter what I'm doing: whether I'm being asked to do something I've never done before at work, thinking about a poem I'm going to write, or climbing a mountain that's higher than I've ever climbed before, fear is present in everything I do.
Every book I write, I'm scared to share. Every project I start, I fear failing at. Every mountain I climb, I fear failing to reach the top.
As I look back, I see that everything I've ever achieved is something I once feared.
What if fear is not limiting then unless I allow it to be?
What if fear is actually a gateway to opportunity, an entry point to growth, a path leading us to discover more deeply who we are and what we're made of. But this is only if we choose so, only if we choose to dance with our fears rather than run from them.
This year, I've been learning how to welcome my fears and feel them, while still refusing to allow myself to be defined by them. This year, I've chosen what fear will be for me:
Fear is not my prison and grave, but the land upon which I will build my dreams.
Limitations
The "small" granite patch of mountains in the background of this picture is known as Castle Crags. Four years ago, they were the highest peaks I'd ever climbed, and the highest summit I believed I was capable of reaching.
After yesterday's feat on Shasta, you can see my self-judgement was wrong.
As I look back on the times that I held such thoughts, I'm surprised by the difference between what I could accomplish then and what I can accomplish now.
I expected the strength of my body to be the differentiating factor between my summiting of Mount Shasta and what I could summit back then. But the difference was actually in what I believed.
Am I physically stronger? Maybe a little. But my will and what I believe I'm capable of is far from what it was.
Four years ago, I believed Castle Crags was as high as I could ever go.
Was it true?
Obviously not.
But back then?
It was... because I allowed it to be.
Subconsciously, I chose that peak as my limit.
I grabbed ahold of it and held on to it tightly as an identity to live from. In complacency's embrace, I had the choice to take what I'd accomplished on Caste Crags and say it was enough, and that I didn't need to push myself any further.
Once I had the thought, I knew I had to climb Shasta.
Four years ago I made a list and began to look higher. And one by one I summited taller peaks around Northern California: Lassen, Grizzly Lake, Shasta Bally, Broke Off Mountain... Until there was only one mountain left on my list to summit.
----
Yesterday, four years later from that day on Castle Crags, I stood on the top of Shasta's summit and looked down from above the clouds upon the peak of Castle Crags, upon the man who once held these thoughts, and upon the journey I took to get to where I was standing.
I remembered how little I use to believe I was capable of.
I remembered how little amount of discomfort I use to be willing to endure before I would tap out and say it was enough.
I remembered how much I limited myself.
Today, when I look in the mirror, I see a different man. Not in outward appearance (though, I do have a beard now), but in heart, at my core, I am radically different. For I guard what I believe about myself. I run boldly at the whispers in my head that try to tell me "I can't." And I hold little fear of the pain that comes when you try to find your end.
On my journey to the top of this mountain, I learned that when I dream, the only limitations I have are the ones I choose to place on myself.
I am done limiting myself by my beliefs, self-judgements, and perceptions of who I am.
I see now, that the limitations I thought I had were only true because I allowed them to be, not necessarily because they were my reality.
In seeing the ramifications of my small beliefs, rather than fearing what I might believe of myself in the future, I now encourage and challenge what I believe I can do.
I fear not testing my end, and I fear not the pain of failing and trying.
After this four year journey of summiting Mount Shasta, I now see the world and my dreams differently- as new summits to climb. And with enough time, hard work, and patience, I believe I can do anything I set my mind to.
Because again, the only limitations I have in this life are the ones I choose to place upon myself.
---------
Photo credits: Erik Olsen
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Summit 14,179 feet
The view from the top of Misery Hill, before turning to walk the summit platuea.
Walking the summit platuea.
Hiking up Red Banks, around 5 am.
Approaching the summit.
Why I Write & What My First Book, Journeys Within, Was About
There aren't many things I'm scared to share about in public, though, if there was one thing- it would definitely be my poetry.
But... here we go:
This is a video about why I write and what my first book, Journeys Within, was about for me.