The beauty in breaking

Out of grapes comes wine.

From the dirt grows a forest.

Out of the darkness shines the stars.

All throughout nature, there is beauty in what’s broken, dirty, and dark. Everywhere you look, something dies and something new rises. Something breaks and something new takes form.

The human soul is no exception.

Even though much of our society is focused on avoiding the possibility of pain and protecting ourselves from darkness- guarded and hiding is not how we were made to live.

In a non-sadistic sense, there is something that we need in brokenness.

Because breaking is a part of being human, and breaking is a part of how we heal.

So should brokenness be pursued?...
And should brokenness be avoided?...

No.

Brokenness is something that we must learn to accept, find compassion for, and face as it comes.

For pain is a part of life for man, just as darkness is a necessary part of the night sky for the shining stars.

In order for the stars to be seen, there must be darkness.

In order for man to be saved, he must first be lost.

If there is no wound in our spirit, what does God have to heal and comfort?

Thus, no one is exempt from brokenness because no one is without the need of being saved and healed, but equally, no one was meant to live and stay lost and broken.

For brokenness is not an identity nor is it a destiny, but it is an inescapable part of living and healing.

When pain is all you feel, pain is your world.

I had surgery this week on my gums.

For the procedure, they removed a strip of gum tissue off the roof of my mouth and stitched it over my receding gum line.

So... it’s been a long, slow, painful week.

And while I was laying in bed today, I was reminded that when pain is all you feel, pain is your world.  

There is no escaping it.  You can’t see or think past it. And every minute, you’re battling your impulse to numb the pain and the impulse that begs you to do anything to make it go away.

Sometimes I crave my pain pills, other times it’s Netflix.

Anything to get my mind away.

I constantly have to stop and think through my reactions to the pain, as these cravings aren't my norm.

Throughout the week, I've realized that physical pain is no different than emotional pain.  Pain is pain, and you either learn to cope, numb, and live with it, or you decide that you want to heal.

Get better.

Take the clean way.

That’s what I tell my clients, at least.

So... I get it.  Pain is hell and so is healing.  I get America’s problem with treating pain with pills.  I get why men numb-out on pornography.

It’s easier.

But unfortunately, numbing is different than healing.  

As I sit here in pain, waiting for my body to heal, icing my mouth, doing what my doctors instructed me to do- I'm reminded of the Johnnyswim line:

“The best way over’s through.”

--

* song link:
https://open.spotify.com/track/0jTl2gEoJHI86UHjfd29wU?si=ASm-R05uTvSgaFYvgLTPiw
*PS this was written last week, so the surgery was actually last week. Just an FYI. I'm just now getting aroun to posting it. 
 

The gift of self-awareness

Without self-awareness, there is no sense of joy because joy will never be noticed. 

Without self-awareness, peace cannot be found, because peace will never be realized.

Without self-awareness, pain cannot be mourned, because pain and our needs will go neglected. 

Without self-awareness, there is no connection with God. Because without it, we never stop to listen, to search, or feel.

Without self-awareness life and our emotions feel like a whirlwind, or a train moving at full speed through a city- or the opposite:

complete emptiness. 

Self-awareness and consciousness is a gift; and it was meant to help us connect more deeply with our relationships, the world around us, this present moment, and who and what we really are.

Why the pain?

In life, hardship is never intentionally given, but it is never an accident. Fear is never forced on to us, but it is never present without purpose. Pain is never deliberately inflicted, but it is never by mistake.

Thus, what if pain is actually Love knocking on the doors of our heart, seeking to come in? What if pain is Love desiring to comfort and heal us?  What if pain is Love saying, "Look here! I have yet to touch this!"

Because Love loves us too much to leave behind a single tear left unwept, or an ounce of anger left unreleased, or a wound left uncomforted and unhealed.

But Love cannot repair what pain we do not reopen or acknowledge.

Love cannot comfort what we hide.

And Love cannot heal what we claim is not broken.